Two steps forward. . .

. . . .  and one step back.  Or two steps back.   Or three steps back.  But mostly making forward progress.  I’m referring to my New Year’s Resolution to practice nonattachment.  I do well for a bit, but then I come up with all sorts of expectations, and when those expectations don’t manifest, or don’t manifest in the specific way I imagine, I feel let down.  Sad.  Disappointed.  Sometimes even pretty worthless.  The trouble is my expectations and lack of nonattachment.  If I don’t expect something, then how can I be disappointed?

I’ve had a couple of dreams the last few days about breaking through a ceiling.  In the dreams, they were literal ceilings, but I think the  symbolism is that I’m close to a breakthrough.  I feel that if I can let go, I may make a dozen steps forward.  Or even 100.  But then that’s expectation, isn’t it?  So I choose to let go again.  And be in this moment, as it is, however it is.

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