Cancer and its treatments have brought a kind of emptying for me. Often now I'm so present with what is that I don't worry about the usual list that used to preoccupy me - making money, meeting obligations, communicating with others about various to-dos, chores and errands, committees, planning. Those are mostly gone. I'm the … Continue reading Emptying
Month: October 2011
Now’s eddy
I call this eddiesandcurrents because I've found that life flows along, interconnected in ways I often can't see, ways that take place under the water and through the water and in the water. My days are like those currents, sometimes seeming, on the surface, a smooth flow. Sometimes a little eddy that seems apart. But … Continue reading Now’s eddy
Good days, bad days
Just as the title of the scarf Claire made for me, I'm having good days, bad days. Yesterday was a good day. Today so far is a bad day. I'm nauseated and jittery and grouchy. No food is appealing. I don't want to drink anything, either, but I'm making myself both eat and drink a … Continue reading Good days, bad days
Dread
Cancer and its treatments are making me deal with a variety of feelings, both physical and mental. One of them is dread. This last round of chemo has been tougher on me than the first, so now I'm trying not to dread Round 3 which is scheduled for Thursday. My mind can conjure up all … Continue reading Dread
Expectations
This breast cancer treatment journey is forcing me to let go of expectations. Since the second chemo treatment last Thursday, I've been thinking that the days will get better. Well, the reality is that some days are a bit better and some are not. Saturday and Sunday were pretty rough, even rougher than the day … Continue reading Expectations
Chemo 2 hangover
I've had Chemo Round 2 and am now in its hangover period. Two lovely friends took care of me Thursday, with one taking me to chemo and another spending that night with me and taking me for my blood-count-boosting shot. This time I wasn't as nervous for the chemo, so I could actually feel some … Continue reading Chemo 2 hangover
Feeling better – and that means. . .
If I'm feeling lots better, almost back to my old self, then that means another chemo treatment is imminent. Yep, I have one tomorrow. This time I'm hoping to be less tense and more in my body so that I can visualize my microscopic team killing the cancer and cleaning it up and healing the … Continue reading Feeling better – and that means. . .
Normal?
This morning I had a plate of grits with two pretty yellow sunny-side-up eggs on top. Typically that wouldn't be a big deal, but after a week of hardly any food's appealing to me, this feels like some kind of triumph. It's got me thinking about what "normal" is. Maybe there is no such thing. … Continue reading Normal?
eddies and currents 