Prednisone-induced ramblings

I had the second Taxotere chemo infusion yesterday, and the prednisone that came with it kept me up last night and has me eating voraciously.  I don’t know how long it will last.  Such is the cancer-treatment roller coaster.  I was discouraged and resentful on Wednesday, did well with the treatment yesterday and had a few aches last night, and have been pain-free and energetic today.  A friend took me to chemo yesterday, did a little dream analysis with me during the infusion time, and treated me to lunch at Chocolate Therapy Cafe and more good conversation afterward.  I did take a little nap when I got home, but mostly, sleep was pretty elusive.  I slept some last night but was awake much of the night.

I had the Neulasta shot today to help keep the blood marrow doing its work to generate blood cells to keep away infection – and to keep the cellulitis in check.  The cellulitis is not gone, and I’m hoping it doesn’t flare up with the new Taxotere in my body.  But as I know but keep wanting to forget, nothing is predictable in this course of cancer treatment.

Prednisone-induced voraciousness about to be satiated at Chef Q's.

After getting the shot, I headed to Chef Q’s in Rossville for some food.  I’ve been voraciously hungry since last night, and it was time for lunch. Even though it was Fish Fry Friday, I chose the comfort food of meat loaf, garlic mashed potatoes, fried okra, rolls, and good ol’ sweet tea.  I take a hat with me wherever I go, and I take it on and off, depending on how warm I am.  When I get hot, off comes the hat.  It’s really the easiest cool-down I’ve ever had.  When I had hair, I couldn’t cool down nearly as quickly as now that I’m bald.  As you can see in the photo, I was warm and needed no hat.

Sometimes when I consider my current baldness, I think back to being a teenager and listening to the Bee Gees.  “More Than a Woman” was a big hit.  But Daddy misunderstood the lyrics and thought that they were singing, “Bald-headed woman, Bald-headed woman to me.”  Maybe on some subliminal level, he knew that I’d be bald one day and would remember his lyrics fondly?

I should be getting some things done around the house now that I have energy, but I’ve not done that at all.  My Cincinnati cousin is driving down tomorrow to be with me for a few days, but she’s been here before and knows that I’m a clutterbug.  I’m looking forward to her visit, though I have no idea how I’ll feel tomorrow.  In the past, Saturday has been a tough day, but I can’t predict how the treatments will affect me.  I’ll find out when I wake up tomorrow.   And I know she’ll be fine with however I am when she gets here.  But no matter what tomorrow brings,  I enjoyed the sun today and the spring-like temps of almost 70 degrees.  Bald, no-hat weather.

I’m still under the effects of prednisone but am hoping that I can sleep tonight.  That’s one of my pleasures.  I’ve always loved to sleep long and deeply.  Partially because I enjoy dreaming and seeing what my dreams are telling me about myself, about the layers that are below the surface, waiting to be mined for their jewels.  We did some mining during my chemo infusion yesterday, and I plan to explore that dream more deeply because I feel it has some rubies and maybe even some diamonds to give me.

It has been a good day, almost a direct contrast to Wednesday.  But all of those feelings, good and bad, are a part of me – and really, they’re not good or bad.  They just are.  If I can stop labeling and just live, I can appreciate the Now.  So I won’t say that today was a “good” day.  It was a day that brought me joy and interactions and sun on my bald head.  I’m grateful for it, just as I’m grateful for Wednesday and yesterday and what they brought.  Blessings all.  And Happy Epiphany!

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