liminal

1. Relating to a transitional or initial stage of a process.

2. Occupying a position at, or on both sides of, a boundary or threshold.

https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/liminal

I’m in a liminal time.

A time of transition.

I feel that both parts of the above definition apply to me right now.

I’m in a transitional stage which feels “initial.”

And I feel I’m at a boundary or threshold.

I realized recently that decades are liminal times for me.

Ten years ago I left teaching high school, my career of 23 years. I was turning 50.

This current threshold 10 years later involves leaving centering prayer. My daily meditation practice just went away during this past year.

I didn’t intend for it to go away.

It just did.

About 10 years ago, my love of teaching gradually went away.

Both teaching and centering prayer were very important parts of my life.

They have even felt like who I am. At a deep level.

So when they go away, it’s very disorienting.

I’m forced to consider the question: Who am I . . . really?

It took me almost 10 years to let go of my perception of myself as a teacher.

Now I’m in a liminal time of letting go of my perception of myself as a meditator.

When this past self is gone, who will I become?

I have no idea!

Yet.

Ten years ago, this feeling was very disorienting,

But in this liminal time going from my 50s into my 60s (I turn 60 at the end of this year), I’m more comfortable with the unknown.

In fact, I’m excited for this transition – even though I have no idea where it’s leading.

I feel the crone stage of being elderly will probably suit me better than any age so far.

As I let go of my ideas, my illusions of who I think I am, I feel more open to possibility, to learning, to being more my true self than ever before.

So just as I enjoy the liminal times of sunrise and sunset, as well as the liminal times of season changes, I look to enjoy this liminal time.

And to learn more.

And to be more open to possibility.

And to become more me.