What makes you afraid? What makes your palms sweat, your stomach hurt, your heart seize up? When I was little, I was afraid of witches, especially the Wicked Witch of the West. I was afraid of bad grades. Of going to the dentist. Of speaking in public. Of my parents' deaths. Now, as an adult, … Continue reading More stories: FEAR
breast cancer
Sometimes I’m stupid, and I forget
And in the midst of that I've overlooked beautiful sunrises. I've gulped down coffee and food while thinking of totally unrelated situations. I've worried about things that are beyond my control. I've forgotten too much of what I learned on my cancer journey.
Another anniversary
Just a quick post today to acknowledge the three-year anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis. I was terrified that day three years ago. I numbly went through an MRI and PET scan that week (or the next. It all ran together). And then port surgery and right into chemo for eight weeks. And a lumpectomy … Continue reading Another anniversary
As they say . . . denial ain’t just a river in Egypt!
Now that I'm on Grouchy Day #5, I finally realized that something must be going on in my psyche. Typically my grouchy days come one at a time and last maybe a day and a half - at the most.So what is it that's bugging me??What has me feeling ready to cry at almost anything, … Continue reading As they say . . . denial ain’t just a river in Egypt!
‘Tis the Time for Resurrection
Spring. Easter. Everything is greening and growing. Flowers bloom, bees sip clover, lawnmowers drone. This is the time of year for resurrection. I typically like resurrection. I like new life. I like hope fulfilled. I like the idea of being raised again. But I don't like the fact that it's preceded by death. Because death … Continue reading ‘Tis the Time for Resurrection
Guilt got in the way of my Now
Back in 2008, I quit teaching. It was a career I had loved for 19, 20 years, one I had poured my heart and soul into. But I gradually found myself losing my passion, feeling that teaching was more "work" than "love." I had promised myself that if I found myself getting bitter, poisoning the … Continue reading Guilt got in the way of my Now
Two years can make quite a difference
A six-month check up yesterday has me thinking back two years to when I was in the middle of radiation treatments for breast cancer. What a contrast between now and then! But I also find similarities between now and then, as well. I'll start with how I looked. This is from almost two years … Continue reading Two years can make quite a difference
A word for 2014
I began the practice of asking for a "word for the year" last year at the suggestion of Abbey of the Arts. This is the suggestion, based on the tradition of going to the Desert Mothers and Fathers for "wisdom and guidance": One tradition was to ask for a word – this word or phrase would … Continue reading A word for 2014
There is NO “waiting”
You'd think I'd have learned this during my cancer journey. There is no "waiting." There is only NOW. "Waiting" takes me out of the NOW. And waiting necessarily needs expectation. Another thing I should have gotten beyond, should have learned to let go of, during my cancer journey. Have no expectations. These last weeks … Continue reading There is NO “waiting”
(Mostly) Good News
Why am I still in a funk? I got the results from my mammogram and ultrasound on Monday, and my surgeon evaluated them yesterday. There is no evidence of cancer. That's good news, right?? You'd think I'd be all happy and celebrating. Even the "mostly" part isn't that much of a glitch. That part is that … Continue reading (Mostly) Good News
eddies and currents 