Today I saw my radiation oncologist. He was the one in charge of my radiation last time, 11 years ago, the first time I had breast cancer. This was the scene of my radiation then: But it will NOT be the scene of my cancer journey this time! My doctor came in the room and … Continue reading Breast cancer Round 2: Next (long term) step
I saw my medical oncologist this morning. She was more concerned than my surgeon about the tumor and the pathology so far. More extensive pathology will give answers. That more-extensive pathology will take two to three weeks. My medical oncologist's concern is that the tumor was larger than expected (and therefore in a range of … Continue reading Breast cancer Round 2: Meeting with my medical oncologist
I'm almost there. Bilateral mastectomy tomorrow. Mastectomy x 2. Today was the sentinel node shot to show my surgeon which lymph nodes to remove tomorrow for pathology. Last time I had breast cancer that shot was the day of my lumpectomy. It was the most painful thing I'd ever experienced at that point. But today … Continue reading Breast cancer Round 2: Mx2 surgery day tomorrow
Too often in my life when things are hard, I just want them to be OVER. That's because waiting times can be difficult. I can imagine all kinds of scenarios. And in the past I've had trouble getting negative, worrying thoughts out of my mind. But this time, to my surprise, I'm doing so much … Continue reading Breast cancer Round 2: The liminal space of waiting
On this day at this time (December 5 at 1 PM) I was home or about to be home after a breast lumpectomy and node removal. I don't recall ever wondering during that time whether I'd still be around in a decade. Even though that wasn't a thought back then, here I am now, 10 … Continue reading Celebrating 10 years cancer-free
Tomorrow I'll experience a bilateral TKR - total knee replacement, both knees. So I'm T minus 1 day . . . and counting. It's been a journey to get here. Since the end of July when I got the bone-on-bone diagnosis, I've been doing stretches every morning and working out with weights two or three days … Continue reading T minus 1 day
Next Tuesday I'm set for surgery. A complete hysterectomy. And what I'm feeling is paradoxical. I feel both fear and trust. Both swirl in my thoughts and feelings. How to be present to that? I know that being present is essential. The last big surgery I had was a little over five years ago, a … Continue reading Surgery: Fear and Trust
We've probably all been there. Your life is perking along. You're feeling "normal" - perhaps you even think your life is "good." And then something unexpected tilts your world. It might be a death, or something health-related, or someone tells you something that changes everything. And suddenly all that seemed "normal" five minutes ago looks … Continue reading A little post about welcoming fear
All of us have been through some kind of wounding situation that put us on a healing path. It might have been a badly sprained ankle, a deep cut that required lots of stitches, surgery of some sort, a heart attack, the death of a friend or loved one, a divorce, cancer, a lost friendship, … Continue reading Why does healing take SO LONG?
I start to feel panicky. I'm sweating. And I have to calm myself again.