“When we protect ourselves so we won't feel pain, that protection becomes like armor, like armor that imprisons the softness of of the heart.” ― Pema Chödrön, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times I read this Pema Chodron book several years ago, and her image of armor has stuck with me. I've … Continue reading Taking off my armor
cancer journey
Am I secure?
Do you ever feel completely secure? Lately, I've been pondering security. . . . what makes me feel secure, safe, comfortable. Some of this pondering has to do with my coming to the end of a cancer journey, but it's also connected with my quitting my "secure" teaching job in 2008, a job from which … Continue reading Am I secure?
Still processing
This seems to be a time in my life for processing - the breast cancer journey, bringing Sahkanaga home, my life in general. Processing always takes me a long time. I suppose ultimately it takes a lifetime. I'll begin with Sahkanaga. The movie did very well in Chattanooga. Last weekend it played to a pretty … Continue reading Still processing
Waiting
"Waiting" is an appropriate title this time, don't you think? I've not posted in almost two weeks. So "waiting" seems apt. That's what I've been doing. Waiting. Our society isn't much for waiting. We of drive-through fast food. We of the time-is-money attitude. We of no time to wait for anything anywhere. We're people of … Continue reading Waiting
Broken
This weekend, I feel broken. When I think on the last year, I know I am broken. I am not who I was last August. My upcoming mammogram tomorrow along with the reminders of this season are all making me reflect on this past year. What I feel now is brokenness. When I look in … Continue reading Broken
Terrible and Wonderful: A Year Passes
What can happen in one year? Well, as someone who has gone through breast cancer treatments, I can tell you that a lot can happen in one year. You can endure and survive one of the most difficult times of your life. You can even thrive and flourish. It was a year ago on a Wednesday … Continue reading Terrible and Wonderful: A Year Passes
A week of well, body & spirit
Wellness has been a focus for me this week. I'm coming up on the one-year date of my breast cancer diagnosis, so that might be why I'm thinking more about my health. Plus, the weekly Sustainable Wellness group has me pointed toward that, too. As a part of my wellness "plan," I decided to have … Continue reading A week of well, body & spirit
Terrible and Wonderful: Chapter 3
One thing I really missed during my cancer treatments was my daily rituals. Until I went through chemo, I didn't realize how important those rituals were to me. How they gave my days structure, stability, comfort, the illusion of control. And how I'd miss them when chemo grabbed me and wouldn't let go. A morning … Continue reading Terrible and Wonderful: Chapter 3
Terrible and Wonderful: Chapter 1
On Monday, I had surgery to have my port (or portacath) out. That event was a marker in my breast cancer treatment path but also a reminder of the journey and its beginning, the advent of the terror and wonder. Getting ready for surgery was much easier this time than back in September when I … Continue reading Terrible and Wonderful: Chapter 1
TWO treatments left . . . and blooming when it’s time
Yes, I only have two radiation treatments left. Two! That's amazing to me. This seven-month journey is almost over. I started the "boost" radiation treatments on Wednesday, and I have two more of those, so on Tuesday, April 24th at around 10 AM, I'll record my last treatment. How good it feels to type that! … Continue reading TWO treatments left . . . and blooming when it’s time
eddies and currents 