Next Tuesday I'm set for surgery. A complete hysterectomy. And what I'm feeling is paradoxical. I feel both fear and trust. Both swirl in my thoughts and feelings. How to be present to that? I know that being present is essential. The last big surgery I had was a little over five years ago, a … Continue reading Surgery: Fear and Trust
I hoped that after a week off, in a week of only four days, that I would turn the corner on this exhaustion. That I'd have some stamina. That I wouldn't be depleted after each day. I was wrong.
I know I'm the teacher, but in this situation I'm just as much a learner as my students are. And perhaps even more so.
What is it about September and cancer diagnosis for me? I got a breast cancer diagnosis in September 2011 - and this September it's skin cancer. A couple of weeks ago, my dermatologist and his assistant both said the place above my elbow was a basal cell carcinoma. The tech scraped it out and sent … Continue reading Biopsies and Prescience: Cutting Cancer
When I was a kid, I thought that once you got to be an adult you became the person you'd be the rest of your life, no matter how long you lived. And what I've discovered is that I couldn't have been MORE wrong! I wrote in this blog back in the spring that I … Continue reading I’ve Changed! (from a dog person who loved teenagers to a cat person who prefers younger kids)
About three months ago, I got the feeling I was completing a cycle. That something is finishing within me, that something is shifting, that I'm about to emerge into something new. I realized that it was seven years ago that I quit teaching and embarked on a new life. I also realized that I've read … Continue reading A 7 Year Cycle: Failure and Fear
April 24th is a kind of birthday for me. It's the day I completed breast cancer treatments. And fittingly, this year's local Relay for Life is on April 25th. So I'm looking at this year's Relay event as a "birthday" celebration of my third year as a cancer-free person. But I'm not only feeling celebration … Continue reading An Upcoming “Birth”day: Three Years After Cancer Treatments
What makes you afraid? What makes your palms sweat, your stomach hurt, your heart seize up? When I was little, I was afraid of witches, especially the Wicked Witch of the West. I was afraid of bad grades. Of going to the dentist. Of speaking in public. Of my parents' deaths. Now, as an adult, … Continue reading More stories: FEAR
And in the midst of that I've overlooked beautiful sunrises. I've gulped down coffee and food while thinking of totally unrelated situations. I've worried about things that are beyond my control. I've forgotten too much of what I learned on my cancer journey.
Now that I'm on Grouchy Day #5, I finally realized that something must be going on in my psyche. Typically my grouchy days come one at a time and last maybe a day and a half - at the most.So what is it that's bugging me??What has me feeling ready to cry at almost anything, … Continue reading As they say . . . denial ain’t just a river in Egypt!