Ten years ago today I received a breast cancer diagnosis. I thought I’d reflect on that day today and have a kind of celebration.
But that’s not what I’m feeling.
I’m feeling a shift today, a letting go of that time 10 years ago. A letting go of the heavy energies of that cancer journey. No celebration needed. Just a stepping into a new decade.
I’ll keep the lessons: The merging of the terrible and wonderful I felt on that day. The terrible journey aided by the wonderful support and learning I experienced. The visceral feeling of NOW each day. The grounding I chose through each part of the journey—through chemo, surgery, more chemo, radiation. Choosing to take it one day at a time. One hour at a time. One step at at time. Getting through those very difficult eight months of treatment. Appreciating the care and concern and prayers and good energy from friends and family all over the world.
I choose to keep those lessons. I’ll keep the knowing that I can survive and overcome myriad difficulties. But I’ll let go of the fears and worries.
Appropriately today is a new moon. Luna is starting her new cycle, and I choose to follow her lead.
I don’t know what newness is emerging. Yet.
But it will make itself clear at some point.
And I’ll be listening and watching.
And today instead of feeling the sadness of the slant of light I felt 10 years ago, I feel energized. Instead of the arid feeling of a difficult journey ahead, I feel a freshness. A feeling of hope.
I feel an opening.
An opening to newness. To lightness.
To the sacred now.
What’s behind me matters but doesn’t determine my path now.
Now it’s a beautiful September day, and I am cancer-free, and I am grateful for life.
I appreciate each one.