This post will be shorter since I’m taking time from when my arm should be raised to type instead. My healing path is unpredictable, with the latest being a thrombosis diagnosis yesterday. I had right arm pain and swelling Sunday night, and it was still there yesterday morning, so I called my oncologist’s office. They got me right in for an ultrasound which showed partial blockage in the subclavian vein, so with the thrombosis diagnosis, the doc wanted to see me. He says to keep my arm elevated and prescribed coumadin for the next six months as well as daily injections for the next 10 days. Apparently some people can give themselves injections, but not me! So a nurse friend is going to do that for me.
I’m getting another lesson in not having expectations. I thought this week would be the climb into feeling better. I certainly didn’t anticipate this diagnosis, though if the blood thinners do their thing, I’ll recover, and I can get off the coumadin for a few days and still have surgery in early December. I’m so glad Karla is here to help me through this. Yesterday was a long day for both of us. I’m learning to try to take each day with what it brings and not expect certain outcomes. And to enjoy the fall leaves which must be at peak right now. And to breathe – both in and out. And to get comfortable with unpredictability.
eddies and currents 
Krista, i understand the unpredictablility of life, who knew that i would be without my belaved
husband at such an early age. I wish the course for you would be more predictable. Just love you and Karla with you. Hang in there. Keep that arm raised. Any thing you or Karla need just call.
Krista…you continue to be the leader for me and how you live each hour. I know control is an illusion, but you have surely lived into the unknowns that chemo treatment uncovers.
May your thrombosis dissolve so you will be in more ease.
Care as always,
Margaret
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
— Jelaluddin Rumi,
translation by Coleman Barks
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
— Jelaluddin Rumi,
translation by Coleman Barks